how dare you call me stupid. i know tons of useless information
during my math test last week the guy sitting next to me was cheating off me so I put down all the wrong answers and after he turned in his test I erased all the wrong answers on mine and put the right ones down and today we got our tests back and he failed with a 67% while I passed with a 95% and he just looked so surprised that I passed and he failed
When people expect you to do things for them just because you’re the artist in the family.
…When people expect you to do things for them for free just because you’re the artist in the family.
When people expect you to do things for them just because you are in the family.
Fun fact: Humans are deuterostomes, which means that when they develop in the womb the anus forms before any other opening. Which basically means at one point you were nothing but an asshole.
some people never develop beyond this stage
people my age are getting pregnant and married and i can’t even order a pizza over the phone
are you a small child because i hate you
if anything should have a ask limit it should be my parents
being hot but also feeling like you need something over your legs
being hot but also being unable to sleep without a blanket
48 years ago a girl said “oh fuck me” to her best friend while walking in the street, a guy who randomly passed by answered by “let me at least buy you dinner first”. I present to you my grandparents, in love since then and celebrating their 47 years of marriage today.
when you try to tell someone a joke but you punch up the fuckline
other people: there are people worse off than you
me: that's not how that works
the moon is kind of a creep the sun is polite and leaves when it’s night time meanwhile during the day sometimes you can see the moon just
i just say things and hope they’re socially acceptable
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